Ten Months – Rapid Expansion

Posted on September 15, 2014 by Chris

My Darling Boy,

Today you are 10 months old. Double digits! As per usual, it’s been another month too incredible for words. You’re crawling at full speed, standing every chance you get, playing and celebrating music with us, and you’ve got almost 8 teeth come through! What’s most astonishing to me is the continued strengthening of our bond as father and son. We play, we eat, we laugh, we “talk”, and we even go to sleep together now. I’ve honestly been terrified for quite some time that I would never be able to get you to sleep; that you would keep looking over your shoulder for mommy to come in the room. But we’ve found our own way to get to sleep, no fuss required. To feel you relax and fall asleep in my arms, to feel you nuzzle up close to me and hear that deep sigh of resignation, of exhaustion, of comfort and security, there isn’t much that tops that. It’s one of the few times I can actually live in the moment and I have you to thank for that. My heart, constantly filled to capacity with love for you, expands daily. All it takes is that smile, those eyes, a shimmy and screech of excitement, and I know I’m home. “Da da” will eventually mean me, which will eventually morph into “Daddy”. Even though I don’t want you to grow up just yet, I can’t wait.

I love you.

Nine Month Mobility

Posted on August 16, 2014 by Chris

My Darling Boy,

You’ve had a busy month! As we move past your ninth month in this world you’ve absolutely crushed life, smashing full speed into it with no fear. You’re crawling, speaking, and expressing yourself in ways I wasn’t prepared for (in a good way). I can’t believe how fast you’ve grown up, but I’m even more excited for the future as every day passes. It’s amazing how fascinated you are with everything and how eagerly you’re exploring your world. Your eyes sparkle as you figure out your toys. Even this simplest of toys holds your attention providing hours of entertainment. It’s so easy to get lost in your world and be completely absorbed in whatever you are doing. Time ceases to exist when it’s just you and I, bonding and having fun.

And the speech? I could listen to you talk for hours. There have been times in the car that I’ve shut off the radio because what you have to say has always been more interesting and satisfying than any song on the stereo. Even if the words aren’t associative yet, I can see in your eyes and hear in your voice your expression of complete thoughts.

Keep talking, my son, and you can rest assured that I will always be here to listen.

I love you.

Weighted Words

Posted on July 28, 2014 by Chris

It seemed like an ordinary enough day. Mom and T were at Grandpa’s house and I was at home taking care of errands, meal planning, and some general household chores. But that’s not how it ended. Mom pulled into the garage, took T out of the car seat, and headed toward me. T turns, wide eyed and cute as a button, locks his gaze with mine, and says:

“Da da da da”.

Time stops. My son just said words!!!! I know they’re not associated with any particular meaning yet my brain neurons were firing full force in all their kaleidoscopic glory. I instantly feel overjoyed, proud, floored, nostalgic, and excited; a complex cocktail of emotions that consumes so much energy that I have to intentionally brace myself to keep my legs from giving out. In just a simple fragment of time my son grew up before my very eyes, added a vast new layer of depth to his entire being, assembled all the communication skills he’s learned on his own for the 8ish months of his existence, and formed a word using consonants, vowels, and syllables, all without even trying.

It’s the strangest yet most wonderful feeling. In my perception of time, just seconds before that moment I was unaware he had developed that capability. And instantly, he had it. Like it was no big thing. Truthfully he had been practicing those words all day unbeknownst to me, but hearing it described by my wife pales in comparison to actually experiencing it. Despite overwhelming physical exhaustion it took me quite awhile to come down from that natural high and fall asleep that night. I just kept staring at my son, tucked away next to me in Dreamland, the proudest father I could ever be.

I don’t even care what’s next. This is now, and this is incredible.

Into the Night

Posted on July 26, 2014 by Chris

Here we are in such an unfamiliar situation, you and I. “Strangers in a strange land”, as they say. Usually it’s Mommy who puts you to bed being the Superwoman that she is. But tonight? It’s my turn. The stage has been set – you’ve had a bath, you’ve been nursed, the lights are down, shades are drawn, fan and sound machine quietly humming in the background. You’re clearly tired what with the rubbing of the eyes and all, yet still as energetic as if you just woke up. Exploring all corners of the bed with your newfound crawling abilities, climbing Mt. Daddy and squealing triumphantly with joy at the summit, even somehow figuring out how to push pillows out of the way with your head like a bulldozer. I lay there and watch in amusement, adjusting every so often to keep you from falling off the bed and onto the wood floor.

Slowly I see you start to wear down. Little chirps of frustration – are they because you want to sleep or because you don’t want to be tired? Your arms give way on the half-pushup-to-crawl maneuvers as you deplete your energy battling the Inevitable Sleep Monster. I try to lay you on my chest to sleep just like when you were a mere infant. You rest your head on me briefly but No! The Monster will not take you tonight!!

But the Sleep Monster is winning this battle. Chirps of frustration turn to anger. No position is comfortable for you. I hear your cries – “Why am I not asleep yet??” I pick you up and slowly walk the room, rocking back and forth. Still cries of frustration, legs kicking wildly in the air as I hold you. It seems we’re headed off the cliff to a meltdown when suddenly, without thinking, I start to softly whistle The Lullaby. Our lullaby. “Great Big Stars”, the song we learned together in music class. The song that calmed you down as we paced the house in the dead of night all winter long. There it is…..

You’re quiet now, body starting to relax in my arms. Head now on my shoulder. Eyes still open but very calm, comforted by my embrace and the connection we’ve made through song. I lay back down in the bed with you resting on my chest. No struggles, no more climbing, the Sleep Monster turned out not to be a monster after all. I shift over and lay you on the bed next to me snuggled close. A heavy sigh confirms it – you’re nearly there. Eyes closed, tiny fingers gripping my thumb, head nestled against my arm. Never worry, my son, Daddy will always be here for you. A blanket pulled up slowly to keep you warm. Now let’s set sail for Dreamland……

Eight is Great

Posted on July 15, 2014 by Chris

My Beautiful Boy,

The last month has been an incredible ride. Every time I blink I feel like you grow more, develop more, learn more. You’re now eight months old with 2 teeth, the ability to pull yourself up, and what seems like mere seconds away from crawling around the entire house. Your energy is unparalleled, and while exhausting for both me and your mom, at the same time just amazing and astounding. My challenge now is to keep up with you! I wish I had more to say, but in all honesty this month was a complete blur. They say time accelerates when you have children and they were most definitely NOT kidding. Part of me wants you to stay little forever, but another part of me realizes that you are destined for great things in this world and that you must continue to grow to reach your full potential.

As always I’m here to help you, guide you, laugh with you, cry with you, share in both your victories and your defeats. Please keep me humble and honest if my priorities ever start to drift away from our family.

I love you.

7 Months – Radiance

Posted on June 15, 2014 by Chris

My Son,

I cannot think of a greater first Father’s Day gift than to celebrate you turning 7 months old today. Incredible doesn’t even begin to describe you and how fast you’re growing up. As I type this we’re sitting in the living room and you’re happily banging away on your toy xylophone, cooing all sorts of “words” I have yet to understand but know carry such meaning and emotion. It brings me such joy to see you explore your world, to see how happy you are playing with your toys, with other people, with the pets, with me and mommy.

And that smile. That radiant, infinite smile that lights up every room is one of the highlights of my day. They say the eyes are the windows to the soul which means your vast, beautiful brown eyes reveal such a clear innocence and curiosity about your world. You feel raw emotions with such intensity that sometimes it overwhelms you, and my job is to help you learn to harness those emotions to guide your passion and get the most you can out of life. I will do my absolute best for you as I know how it feels to be overpowered by emotions, both good and bad.

Keep on smiling, laughing, playing, and growing. You are wonderful to the point that no words I will ever say or write can fully convey my feelings. So instead I’ll pledge to be by your side watching you and guiding you through this life as best I can.

I love you, father to son.

Raising a Respectable Son

Posted on May 22, 2014 by Chris

A couple things have happened over the past few weeks that caused me to reflect on how I should raise my son to treat women. Inherently I know that he will develop a lot of thoughts, actions, and attitudes based on my words and examples, but it dawned on me that I will not be the only source of influence that shapes his behavior. I’m really interested in feedback from other parents of boys, so please feel free to comment.

One: Photoshop Advertising
We were at the mall a few weeks back and I was holding T. as we waited for the rest of our party to finish up in the restroom. On the wall behind me was a large advertisement for women’s make up that featured a very pretty woman with big eyes staring out at the world. T. was absolutely transfixed by the poster, grinning from ear to ear. This came as no surprise to me since he’s a huge flirt with all the ladies, but I realized that he was staring at a digitally-altered image that represented some marketing firm’s perception of what natural beauty looks like to the most popular audience. Even at this age what he sees is shaping his views of the world. Of course he liked the image, but I don’t want him to limit his scope of beauty to what the advertisers are feeding him. (NOTE: This digitally altered perception of beauty also applies to advertisements of men, so if T. happens to be gay I believe this still applies.)

Despite our best efforts, he is going to be bombarded with the highest concentration of marketing and advertising of any generation – and this is coming from someone from someone who lived through MTV, the advent of the Internet, Myspace, Facebook, Nickelodeon, and Saturday Morning Cartoons. Looking back I know my generation was a marketing cash cow, but my son’s generation will be a marketing wet dream! I want him to be able to differentiate what is real from what isn’t, and the lines are so blurred now that it’s difficult for even me to tell. At the very least I want to teach him that true beauty lies on the inside. Oy.

Two: The “Sexy X-ies”
I “follow” our local commercial rock radio station on Facebook. Just like every other corporate rock station in America they have local women in the 18-25 age range that dress up in skimpy outfits and appear at promoted events with the sole purpose of increasing participation from their target audience – males between the ages of 18 and 29. Now to this station’s credit, they do a decent job at selecting a wide variety of women instead of pulling an Abercrombie & Fitch and trying to sell a particular “image”. But that certainly didn’t stop the haters on Facebook from coming out full force. The radio station posted an image of their latest group of “Sexy X-ies” and some of the comments were jaw-dropping. Some verbatim examples:

“Looks like a bunch of butter faces.”
“They look like the [local strip club] rejects lol.”
“2 outta 5 ain’t bad.”
“Ugly ass girls lol.”
“Man this is all false advertising.”

I could go on and on with the vitriol but you get my point. Most of these comments were made by the radio station’s target audience – again males age 18 to 29 – and they certainly didn’t mind their names being out on display in a public forum such as Facebook. What kind of boys are we raising if this is their level of judgment against women, and let’s remember that these women are someone’s daughters? More disturbingly, what kind of men will these boys turn into if we deem this acceptable? This has all sorts of implications for the self-esteem and self-image of these women, rape culture, and chauvinism, yet the voices who spoke up against it were batted down and rendered irrelevant. This is NOT how I want my son to behave towards ANYONE.

Such are the challenges that await me and my wife as he develops. I can’t help but feel this world is very, very different from the one we grew up in, the one in which our parents raised us. And while I passionately look forward to raising him right and teaching him about love, beauty, and respect, the fact remains that it will be an uphill battle against the fabric of society. Oy indeed.

6 Months – A Bright and Shining Star

Posted on May 17, 2014 by Chris

My Baby Boy,

It’s getting much harder to call you that now that you’re six months old. Every time I look at you and think “this can’t possibly get any better”, you gladly prove me wrong. To see you gain awareness of the world around you and want to explore it with the fearlessness and confidence everyone wishes they had, this brings me an unspeakable amount of joy. Your personality is on full display as this bright and happy baby who wants to be a part of everything that’s going on around you. And I hope your mom and I can foster that confidence and curiosity for your entire life as it’s one of the rarest and most valuable traits in today’s world.

We’re about to embark on one of the wildest rides of our journey together as a family. In the next few months you will start eating solid foods, cutting teeth, and crawling around the house. While I honestly cannot wait for all these developments, I’m already starting to wax nostalgic about the early months. You used to be so little that I could engulf you completely in my arms for hours on end. That’s proving to be much more difficult now that you’re so big, and while this makes me sad, this sadness is replaced tenfold by the abundant joy of seeing you explore this world.

So let’s explore this world together, my son. You have so much to learn about it and I have a feeling I do too.

I love you.

10 Things I Wish I Knew About Parenting – 6 Month Edition

Posted on May 12, 2014 by Chris

Following the success of my Newborn Edition of Top 10s, I figured I’ve learned enough to write another one. Here’s a basic summary of my last 6 months; hopefully it helps you out in some way or at least makes you laugh. Cheers!

1) You won’t care what you look like in public anymore.
Bags under your eyes? So what? Dried spit-up on your shirt as you walk in the door at work? No biggie. Hair all askew from the rushed 30-second shower with no dry time? Pffft, you should get credit just for showing up. Wear it all as badges of pride. To quote the great Patton Oswalt, “I want to apologize to anybody that I ever made fun of for wearing sweatpants in public. I’m sorry. I’m sorry, they’re a miracle. I thought that the pinnacle of mankind would be a Mars colony or teleportation. Nope. Sweatpants!”

2) Jet lag is no big deal after you’ve had a child.
Staying up for an extra 4 hours to adjust your clock to the opposite end of the world seems like peanuts after you’ve stayed awake 6 extra hours for 3 straight days tending to a sore and frightened infant who’s going through a growth spurt.

3) The reason time flies is because your child changes literally Every. Single. Day.
Just when you’re done adapting to one skill, mannerism, or habit your child completely switches directions. Time as you know it becomes completely relative to your child’s daily development and activities. That’s why 6 months feels like 6 weeks but 30 seconds of solid crying feels like 30 years.

4) You’ll never know how much disposable diapers suck until you use cloth.
Full disclosure: I’m not a shill for the cloth diaper industry but we use cloth diapers 100% of the time at home and 85% of the time when we travel. I don’t care how you diaper your children. Seriously, you do what’s best for your family. But it is an irrefutable fact that no disposable diaper will ever hold a candle to the quality of a cloth one. Absorbency, containment, softness, ease of use, everything and anything you need a diaper to do, cloth does it better. I completely understand why people use disposables – the upfront cost of cloth can be daunting. BUT, if you are fortunate enough to have a baby shower, the total amount of money people will spend on disposable diaper “cakes” or “towers” and all the required accouterment (diaper “genies”, rash cream, etc.) is roughly the same as they’ll spend on a complete set of cloth diapers for an infant. And the water bill from doing laundry every day? Mine has increased a whole $5 per month. Watch out now! Sarcasm aside, if you want any info or tips on cloth diapers just send me an email or check out some of the links under “Merch” on the right side of the main page.

5) Core strength is underrated.
Hauling a 15-pound 4-month old is no joke. You’ll wish you didn’t go soft on all those ab crunches and twists at the gym before you had a kid when you weren’t feeling motivated because you only got 7 hours of sleep. Seriously, lift with your legs. Speaking of……

6) Leg strength is underrated too.
We have TWO sets of 16 stairs each in our house. Needless to say I see a ranch or a retirement home with an elevator in our future. Bend deep to maximize the power from those quads and calves.

7) You’ll gain the “First Child 15”.
Unless you’re Tiger Mom (and why would you want to be?) or you hire your own personal chef, you’ll gain the weight. Why? Motivation, or lack thereof. Now, before you panic, remember that it’s okay. It’s only temporary, and as you figure out how to adjust your life to get your eating and exercise habits to compliment your new addition, things will eventually drift back to normal. Or they won’t, and that’s probably okay too. Just stay focused on the fact that you are doing the most important job on earth. Period.

8) It still takes two.
Again, a HUGE shoutout to the single parents because I still have no idea how you pull it off. Having a second parent there to share the load is the best thing for everyone’s sanity and for the health of the child. 2 mommies, 2 daddies, or 1 of each, it doesn’t matter. Two is always better than one.

9) Going out in public is like being in the mafia.
Whenever you enter a room you quickly scan for hazards, identify all possible exits and escape routes, and always sit facing the door. When your meal is finished you ask for the check as quick as possible and tip big for any “inconvenience” you’ve caused the staff. Then after you clip the kid in the car seat and close your car door you breathe a sigh of relief, just grateful you’ve survived the night.

10) It’s all still worth it.
Every single moment. I wouldn’t trade any of this for the life I had before my son. It’s everything I wanted it to be and then some.

Goodbye, Old Friend

Posted on April 30, 2014 by Chris

While it’s definitely true that I get really excited over buying a new car, it’s definitely not like me to get emotional over the car I’m trading in. This past weekend proved much different. My car was getting up there in miles, had some decent wear and tear on it, and was proving to have not enough storage space for everything we needed to haul on longer trips with our son and dog in tow. So we decided to go car shopping. I’ll spare you the details of the experience as car shopping is about as much fun as watching paint dry, but needless to say I purchased a new vehicle. Cause to celebrate, right? Well, yes, but it was definitely tempered by having to say goodbye to my old car.

I bought this car (2008 Chevy Malibu) brand new. It was really the first car I got to choose to buy as opposed to having only one option for financial or circumstantial reasons. My plan was to drive it until it died, but obviously having a child changes the rules of the game quite a bit. Regardless, I drove the hell out of it – 128,000 miles in 6 years and 23 days. I’ve hauled everything from bikes to drums to pets to moving boxes, and it handled everything with nary a complaint. But those experiences aren’t enough to get my eyes to tear up. It’s the other, life-altering experiences:

March 8th, 2009: After walking into Petsmart with the sole purpose of buying cat food, we fell in love with the cutest dog ever and brought home our first dog since childhood – our pitbull/pointer mix Sandy.

September 19th, 2009: I drove my then fiancé to our wedding at the courthouse. After the ceremony I was almost given a parking ticket for an expired meter, but the police officer saw that I just got married and decided to give us a break. I then drove my new wife off to our reception.

November 14th, 2013: After over 24 hours of hard but productive labor at home, I loaded up the car and carefully navigated the 20-minute drive to the hospital where our first son would be born in the wee hours of the next morning.

November 17th, 2013: We brought our brand new, first born son back to his home.

As I took a final glimpse at my old car in the dealership parking lot, completely emptied of all my personal belongings, reflecting back on all those life changing events that it supported, my eyes welled up uncontrollably. Goodbye, my old friend. You’ve been nothing but the best.